Well my weekend was long and I was thinking a lot. What do you do when you feel like you are pushing away someone you love because trust was broken a bit? Over and over it ran thru my mind. This person i love so much keeps telling people things i don’t want them to know about and that she also came at me with thinks i don’t like about myself. Yet despite the fact that all this is going on, in the long run I still wanna be with her. We had this long talk last night about how everything is going. For once I feel like she opened up to me and that little thing she told me meant the world because she finally let me in. I wish we had this talk in person but when she lives a hour away it is difficult. I ignored her phone calls because I told her what I was thinking and that she needed to know. In response to it i get “Hold on, can I call you bac” right when she said that I hung up the phone. I didn’t let her finish what she had to say. After about 6 miss calls from her She texted me and told me that it was because she needed to go pee and had to use a public restroom. Lesson 1. Even if you are mad, upset, angry, or depressed let someone finish what they have to say or it just makes things worst. I feel bad for what I bad for what I did and my anger got to the better of me because I was emotional. What I did to her was what children do. I guess I have a lot of growing up to do. So for 2 hours i sat in a parking lot and talked to her about how I feel and what has happened and everything that was on my mind. I was trying to distance myself from her and she didn’t see it, Until I told her things i was doing to keep away. She is not a bad person by any means but she did break the trust I had for her. If you are in a relationship and tell people in private you know not to tell other people, or even tell THAT person what I said about them. I don’t open up to people and when she goes around and tells people what I keep inside to not complex thing for the better good, its hard to deal with it and I feel like I can’t share things with her anymore. She feels bad now that she keep fucking things up and telling these thing to people. She should feel bad to a degree, and I don’t think I’m out of line when I say that. We both feel bad for what we have done. I feel like alot of these could have been resolved 2 weeks ago by me keeping my trap shut about her wanting to be friends with her Ex-boyfriend. (also one of my friends who I’m no longer friends with to keep things simple) I should have let her befriends with him and I should have taken all my thoughts and feeling about that to the grave. It would have made things so much simpler and everyone would be happy that mattered to me. I can live with a bit of suffering. I shouldn’t dwell in the past and I don’t regret making the calls that I have. OK maybe a little, But I can’t change it and I have to live with them. In the end we know our relationship has its problems just like the rest of them out in the world. I won’t give up on this relationship so easily. No man woman or even a demon can stand in what I cherish most in this world right now. I want to be with my Veronica and nothing will stop me from what I want because she makes me happy. She could do better then me, and yet she chose me with all of my problems and all of my mistakes that I do. She never gives up and I will do the same for her. I love you now and until I die Veronica.
Posted on Monday, 8 November 2010
