So last night I had to drive for an hour to go drop off my girlfriends Id and debit card she left at my house so she can eat and spend money if she needs to. We had dinner and talked a bit about whats going on and seemed to help that I got to see her face. It will never get old to look into her eyes, I can find my self lost in them for ever and would be contempt with that. Her eyes glow with a faint green tint that’s the same color of an emerald. We talk about what she said that has caused my friends to feel like they aren’t close to me. My friends mean alot to me. they are where I feel they should be and tell them what they need to know. I will not tell them personal things and the hardships I go thru because I would rather do it alone. I’m not one to talk about what goes on in my life. It makes me feel that when I tell someone about the problems I have they seem to tell me what and how I should deal with them. Its sad to hear that most of my friends will not really know my problems but that because i chose not to tell them about them. Bundy (my roommate and friend) is very jealous on how much I have bonded with my girlfriend and pretty sure wants to be just as close. The only problem is that every time I tell him something he goes and tell people. I have a hard time with Trust because no matter what happens if you don’t keep it to your self then every one will know. Hes sad that hes not that close to me but he put himself there for breaking the trust. I don’t care if you were drunk. IT WAS NOT YOUR CALL TO TELL PEOPLE WHAT YOU KNOW IF THAT PERSON TOLD YOU NOT TO TELL THEM. Its a very simple thing yet people now a days won’t respect that anymore. what happen to respect and courtesy. So now that my girlfriend was worried about me and told my roommate that I didn’t talk to him because I don’t feel like being ridiculed and given the 3 answers he has for all of life’s problems, yes he only has 3. (Stop being a bitch, Man the fuck up and stop being like Aaron(my girlfriend’s ex)) So yes I know life’s problems can not be solved by those 3 things, Thus why I just don’t talk about things that matter with him. So now I have to deal with that box of problems which I never really wanted to talk about. Another thing I came to realized last night is that I will never get to do is sit down and talk music with my girlfriend. She is a piano performance and pedagogy.(teaching piano) Its a part of her life that I won’t be apart of. Its gets me a little jealous that her best friend (who’s a guy btw) she talks to him and sometimes I feel like she spends more time with her then I do, and they have a connection that I will never have with my girlfriend. I wish I could be apart of her musical life and I don’t think I ever will. That makes me very sad but I can’t help it. It sucks being enshrouded by emotions that will bring down your moral and make you depress. I don’t think she will ever cheat on me, that has never crossed my mind. But the fact that she has a close bond with someone else who’s a guy seem like maybe sometimes I’m not that special, that she could be with anyone else. I am afraid I will lose her. In this day and age you can fall out of love in just a second. Cheating is an everyday event now in society, people give into lust to fast and then not tell the person they cheated on. My biggest fear is that She will cheat on me and not tell me. (That will be any girlfriend I will date) Being not told is what I am more afraid of. People make mistake and they are afraid on how they will get rejecting in life. I hate to say this but nothing that you have to say to me will make me feel different about you if you are 100% honest with me. You told me a secret that was so bad in your mind that it would drive me away yet its was noting to me. I understand why, and I hope that you will tell me these things. It hurt me a little that you would think I would judge you or get mad at you for something. You know what makes me mad is that sometimes I feel like you can’t talk to me, and I’m not mad at you but rather at myself for not making you comfortable enough to talk to me about it.
Well I think I am done for today. Talking about all of this is exhausting. Hope you like reading about my life, so you know when life gets down you are not alone.
